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My younger sister’s laptop is finally fixed. It’s super quiet now! The fan and heatsync was repaired, and she got a new charger. The Dell guy said that every year you have to clean your laptop, so I guess mine must have a whole lot of dust in it, since it’s gonna be a year old soon. God, I don’t want to think about me also being another year older.
So I was thinking about how sometimes in your life, there are people who tend to make their every miniscule problem your personal responsibility. I’m not just talking about how incompetent someone can be. I’m talking about that feeling that you get when you feel like you’re having ten things dumped on you at once by not necessarily as many people. I’m not referring to anything specifically, i’m just more or less recalling one incident where a teacher wanted the class seating arrangement to be changed on the same day, holding me responsible. It was just really interesting to me that everyone seemed to have their own qualms and preferences while I had to get something done, and they seemed oblivious to how serious it was even though they knew I had to get it done that same period or else that teacher was going to, well, I don’t know. Everyone always gets thrown into the role of having to mother everyone into doing what they have to do. I myself think that it’s easy for you to be either one; with outcome-based focus, or discussing excruciating minutiae ignoring pressing matters at hand.
I know I don’t sound terribly smart with all of this. It just really got me thinking. I look at my sisters who are very driven and show good leadership, always cutting through unnecessary details getting things done quickly. I always had my older sister to look to, and even think for me. It’s true that I hid away from chances and opportunities, preventing myself from gaining new experiences and growing more as an individual. It’s my own fault for being too scared. My sisters weren’t without fear, but they just knew what was worth the toil, and became better because of it. It saddens me to think of how kids can end up having to grow up a lot more or sooner than they have to. I know this all sounds like me feigning any semblance of public concern or compassion, but it just happens to be something that i’ve thought about my whole life, and i think encompasses a lot of things. Who’s to say I don’t have a heart? Judge all you want, but only god knows whether or not i’m truly a good person.
I have to try to be a person who derives joy from simple things, since most people lose their sense of wonder as they grow older. Dad, you have three astro boxes, a big comfy sofa just for your bedroom, next to your king size bed for only yourself to sleep on, and a big empty house to store it all in! Good for you!