Post 296

Posted by azreen | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 31-12-2016

1

I don’t know if there’s anything for me to look back fondly on this past year. I don’t know if i could say that 2016 was a year that I had any instance of being happy. Nonetheless, every year that i bid goodbye to is a loss to mourn. It’s strange. It’s not like there’s nothing I have to look forward to in 2017. There are so many things i’m dreading in 2017. There’s nothing to want. There’s just everything to fear, cowering under the inevitable. Just another year that passes, just another year that i’m that much older, another year my age becomes that much more unforgiving. So many times over, every year, there’s just no answer. No possible way for things to be okay again unless a miracle happens. I’m still a slave to circumstance, just stuck.
I don’t know how much more of it i’m supposed to take. Once again, expected to make the coming year better somehow, without any real way to. Another year draws to a close where nothing panned out for me and it’s all my fault. Another new year’s eve where i feel helpless, but i shouldn’t because it’s irrational and not trying hard enough. There’s nothing left to do but hope that i can at least appear to face it with grace, feign a calm reaction, remain reasonably upright.
I want to wish everyone a happy new year. If i could hold back my jealousy.
I don’t know what will happen, and i believe my doubts are valid. So, no guarantees. We’ll just have to see how i come out of this. And whether it’s gonna be this time around, or the last time ever.

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