I only have this body to rely on, and i guess i took for granted that it would continue to serve me how it always did. I was careless, and thought nothing of leaving myself like this, like it wouldn’t cause me pain later. Like I could somehow avoid the question, and that my physical faults wouldn’t eventually catch up to me. And every second i get older, everything only gets that much worse, and doing things only become much harder. It’s strange, I often surprise myself at how upright i’m able to be when it’s called for.
It’s a difficult existence to have to adapt to. The many warm expressions of kind people, drinking in the sights of immaculate landscapes, – wonders of creation that constitute enticing fleeting moments, adding fascination to the experience of being corporeal. But with it, comes the weight of physical affliction, among other limitations. It isn’t difficult to be overwhelmed, even by emotion. A person, their words, or even lack thereof – it can throw you anywhere between fury and sorrow; and the rest of the time in a resting state with that subtle background anguish of longing.
Picking myself up, dusting myself off, in a feeble attempt to trudge onward, it inevitably takes a lot more than it used to.