Post 280

Posted by azreen | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 11-07-2016

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I don’t have to triage people’s interactions with me. No, I don’t have so many people trying to get in touch with me that I have to prioritize some and put others on hold. I just know who I am, who I can trust, and who I don’t want in my life, that’s all.

If someone who has been insincere to me in the past tries to get in touch with me, then I just won’t bother. It’s not because i’m so important that I have to only urgently attend people who are worth the publicity. I don’t have people waiting on my next travel update or profile photo. I don’t have any pressure to fulfill any expectations of being a socialite. I don’t talk to people based on whether or not it gets me good press. I don’t want to be those people who only to talks to someone if they can boost their image.

I don’t need to go somewhere just to have a photo of me being there. I already know what I want, and although I often am not able to do it, I have always known that people won’t be that interested. They never have and never will change their mind about me. They’re all very certain about how relevant I am. Nothing I do is ever gonna be something that people like to follow.

All I have ever wanted my whole life was just space to be who I am. And I have been as real as I could, considering that constant judgement from everyone. I know who I am and I know what I like. You can condemn reality shows and entertainment news all you want, but I will always like it. That’s just me!

I know you want me to think that you’re concerned. Like, if I don’t have interests that are the same as everyone else, then no one will ever like talking to me and then my life is gonna suck. But it already does!

You think you can tell me that I have to worry about behaving in a certain way in order to take care of my reputation (and thus your image) because I don’t want people hating me. The thing is, I don’t want people being my friend if they don’t know the real me! If you deign to talk to me because your evaluation of my social media and reputation deems me harmless to your image and that’s it, then I don’t want you in my life.

You want me to think that no one can ever appreciate any of my real messy personality. You might be right. But i’d rather be alone than have fake people in my life. I don’t want people in my life who don’t appreciate me.

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