Okay, so it’s my 271st post. I’d just like to mention again how grateful I am to Pauline for letting me continue blogging here for as long as I have – ten years. Lately, i’ve been obsessing unhealthily with instagram, but on the upside, it was a place where I got to talk and continue to keep in touch with the gracious, endearing and kindhearted Rabi. It seems that all i’m good for nowadays is just playing with snapchat filters. Feel free to view my stories, find me by my handle @azreen1234 cause i’ve somehow been inspired to update regularly. I really want to watch How to Be Single. I can’t wait to go watch it.
Tomorrow night, there’s this dinner thing that I have to go to with my family. My younger sister is really upset because she’s constantly being dragged to things that she doesn’t like, while other people get exempted. I like to meet people outside, because I have this rule about visiting someone at their home. I don’t like it. And if someone wants to come to my house, i’ll try to meet them outside as well. Or maybe it’s that thing I have with always keeping people at arms length.
I never thought that how I sleep at night would be a big deal for me. Getting sleep has always been such an issue for me throughout my life. When I was 17, I would try to sleep inside my wardrobe so that I can be sealed safe and alone in the dark even during the day, but it didn’t work because it was so narrow and uncomfortable. I had experiences with a few mattresses, and I never thought that I would have difficulties with certain types. The worst is when it’s really hot, like if i’m in a room that has a concrete floor outside. Then it would be so difficult for me to sleep in the heat and I would get so exhausted. I hated that period in my life, and I hope I never have to go through something like that again. I found it very difficult and painful to go through. Like I was in physical pain and exhaustion. And I became one of those divas who can’t sleep without control over the temperature in the bedroom.
I have this bad habit of putting people on a pedestal. I think when you’re confident, it’s easier for you to talk to people. I remember when I was 14 and didn’t care so much, and wasn’t really thinking until I caused trouble. No one likes to constantly be questioning people’s intentions, and being self-conscious all the time. I decided to become really closed-off to people because I felt that it would be easier for me. At the same time, I always had this thing in me about comparing myself to other people. I also compare people to others, and keep talking about a certain person who I constantly recount how kind, intelligent and selfless they were, that it drives other people away. Because i’m always expecting so much from other people. And add that to my entitled, spoiled attitude and you have a perfect recipe for alienating people.
My sister took me to East Terrace Continental today, for our own verison of the long weekend’s festivities. There’s a festival that I refuse to go to, and going out for a meal was the only thing I agreed to. I still had to buy sushi after that, because i’m so out of control and steadily blowing through my salary until I have none left. Tomorrow i’m going out again, and will likely end up doing more damage. Anyway, if there’s anyone reading my blog, thank you, and if you don’t feel comfortable commenting here, feel free to direct message me on twitter or instagram. Or even e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
I’m very much looking forward to the premiere of the new season of Sailor Moon Crystal, which feels like a birthday treat because of it’s release date.