Post 269

Posted by azreen | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 22-02-2016


Happy Chap Goh Mei!

There are a lot of things that changed, and there are also things that stayed the same. Like, nowadays, I find myself avidly interacting with Teacher Yvonne, though I never actually took any lessons from her. Ever. Unexpected, I know. I met a lot of people, like this one really great friend and I have a lot of experiences to be thankful for. Being in a really big place, you meet lots of different people, you get really inspired by the great example they set on their way up the ranks, and it’s so fulfilling to be able to learn so much from people like that. In the greater scheme of things, each person has different weaknesses, and bad things can still happen regardless of what type of person you are. Life is unpredictable, so there’s really no harm appreciating your colleagues. You’ll have to find me on my new instagram handle @azre.en because having numbers in my handle wasn’t polling well. I haven’t changed my handle on Twitter, Line, and Snapchat though, so on those i’m still azreen1234, and if you really want to go the extra mile then look for me with same numbered handle on VSCO. Feel free to hit me up at if you like e-mail.

A lot of you know that I don’t have facebook, and it’s not just because I hate it. There are a lot of people from high school that I don’t want to see again because I don’t want to be reminded of that difficult time. It really sucked for me. Over a decade later, i’m still that same person with all those insecurities and jealousy and doesn’t like to admit that he’s wrong. I know that there are things from the past that i’m supposed to let go of, yet I still blame all those experiences for making me this person who always compares himself to people who are better off. You see a lot of photos of me with my sisters on instagram but even after all this time it’s still hard for me to talk about my family. I don’t know, maybe everything in my life isn’t as complicated as I think but somehow I let it define me.

So Hanna had a lot of character development on PLL when she left her prestigious position, instantly got replaced, cried on the shoulder of the most supportive fiancee in the world while trying to come to terms with her ex’s newfound relationship with her bestfriend. Meanwhile, I was so in awe of Lucy Hale’s gorgeousness as she plays Aria, breaking into Sara Harvey’s hotel room and coming clean to Liam about writing chapters of a book she’s only supposed to be editing. Then I was so swooning over Lucy’s new pics of her makeover by Kristin Ess.

It was so disappointing to see Amanda get sent home on #TheBachelor especially when her family was so much more welcoming to Ben than Joelle’s. It turns out, meeting the families isn’t for the contestant’s benefit. In fact, quite the contrary. They actually had to advertise themselves and be perfect so that Ben will be happy and reciprocate with a rose. I couldn’t help but feel like he was making a mistake cause he was crying so much. I mean, sure, Lauren’s tour of Portland was a success, as well as the sister interview afterwards. But it doesn’t seem fair to me that you have to be totally smiley, normal, blonde, all-around-happy-all-the-time-always in order to get a rose. Amanda was right about deserving to be told earlier on if there were any doubts or uncertainties. What’s the point of all those dates if you can’t see how you really feel? When the season began, Ben was so open-minded, and now I learn that in the end everyone has a “type” and they won’t give that up.

Okay so yesterday, I went to IKEA with my mom. We got a BRIMNES chest of drawers, a KNAPPER mirror, and a PORTIS rack. Now I know why I have the problems I have. If i have more storage space, obviously i’m going to feel comfortable enough about buying stuff to fill it with. Then I end up going back for more storage solutions. And even though I only want one thing, they still make us look at everything before going to the warehouse, so no wonder I end up getting more than I originally planned, which just makes my problem worse. So why didn’t I just live in IKEA in the first place cause that’s the only way I can truly have everything, and have it looking as perfect as they display it to be. Yeah, so I hate it.

Anyway, later the guy came to fix the garage door to which we don’t have a remote. Then I went shopping again 2 hours later, this time with my sister and we got her a bag from Factorie, which looks a lot like a bag from Sportsgirl (so it’s a compromise). And then I went out again, like less than an hour later, this time with my mom. And to think, it was just the previous day that I was rummaging through the chemist bargain bin with my older sister (so much cool stuff and so cheap btw).

So this year it’ll be 10 years since I was brought on to by Pauline. I can’t believe it, cause it feels crazy that we stayed in touch after all these years, especially cause I only got a smartphone in 2011 so that really amazed me at how it only suddenly became easy after a long time. Such a shame that time she visited Malaysia but we were unable to meet up.

So yeah, CNY is over, my life is complicated in ways that I didn’t know possible, and i’m still bitter about the same things I used to be. Coming up is Jessica’s engagement party next month. Another situation where I will inevitably feel unsatisfied with whatever it is I wear to the event. Then, I have to explain again and again to many people that my situation is really unconventional, that I still live with my parents. Struggling with this weird dynamic where I look to my sister as my dad, and i’m unsure where I fit in to all of it.

I can’t believe i’m writing all of this. Or all the other things I wrote here all these years. But who cares right? I mean, other than the spam-bots.

Comments posted (1)

Hi Ni-sama!
I’m not here to tell you what to think. I’m just here to tell you my opinion.
I think it’s great and all that you have specific social media accounts but don’t fall into the trap of forgetting your password and/or username.

No one blames you for not having Facebook. It’s okay if you don’t. I don’t like to be reminded of my past high school life much either and you can look at it as a good thing because there really is no point in looking back.

And you’re not the only one who doesn’t like to talk about family. There are a lot of people around us who are private people. However, there are people who are completely comfortable expressing themselves and telling stories about their families’ interests.

I don’t know much about PLL so I’m not going to comment on that. But about The Bachelor, I think it’s important for Jojo, Kayla and Lauren to be real, humble and sincere. Ben is going to have to make the tough decisions as usual.

Honestly, I really hope we stay where we are right now. The amount of furniture that we have now is ridiculous and if we were to move again next year I’m not going to let mum ‘run away’ from it by going to work and calling me to check up on ‘the moving’. I was struggling to hold onto my sanity and consciousness the day we moved and the thought of going through that again really frustrates me.

You don’t have to follow mum when she wants to go out if you don’t want to. Seriously. I’m sorry you didn’t get the chance to meet Pauline. I would be super psyched to see someone in person especially when they mean a lot to you and your interest.

Trust me, there are so many other people you don’t know of, who have lives that are so much more complicated than you will ever think/imagine.

I know it’s not really my place to say this but, I have met a lot of people in my life so far and I have dealt with the ‘double life’ thing or the ‘complicated-involvement-in-competition’ thing or ‘exceptionally unfortunate circumstances’ thing. I have been training so much; that I am able to say it in less than 20 seconds. The person on the other end, miraculously, COMPLETELY understands and can STILL relate to me and talk about ordinary things. I have heard from a lot of people about how they look up to, or treat their older siblings like their dad/carer. It’s completely usual. Almost nobody will judge you for it. At least, they didn’t do that to me.

About how you dress, just don’t care for it okay. No one will ever judge you and since you feel like men are treated so unfairly and are stigmatised because of the benefits, USE THAT to your advantage then. It will be very easy for you to get dressed right?! Say that sarcastically to mum or something. Mum will be busy trying to doll the rest of us girls up and that is tiring. So that’s the downside of being a girl.
You see?
I mean, I don’t think you should feel stigmatised at all. I think girls and guys have their particular problems that are as equal.

Well, believe that you’re writing this because this comment is proof that somewhere out there someone is reading/listening to your thoughts. Even if it’s your own imoto.

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