Well I can’t be friends with someone if they’re friends with my enemy. Growing up, my mom told me to be thankful for my siblings, that i’m lucky to have been born into such a big family. But I want to know the truth. It’s strategic to make me put my family first. And thanks to what I was taught, that’s all I have in this world. Literally. I have no other choice than my family. I don’t have 504 friends at my disposal – no amount of facebook friends I could have would ever come near to as much. I’m not in an elite clique of socialites that are known by an acronym name. I was made to believe that there are people that I can’t exist without. But it was made very clear to me that everyone else can exist without me. Everyone would get along fine without me, and I was constantly reminded of that. There was nothing that I brought to the table that someone else couldn’t. No one else would ever care about me as much as my family does. Because no one else would give me the time of day. This is as good as it would ever get for me. And if I don’t like it, there wouldn’t be any point looking for anything else cause there would be nothing better. No one else would feel i’m worth anything. Except maybe a menial task. Or two. People can easily replace me. Because they made sure I can’t replace them. That I had no other choice.
Well, today Adila is at a festival with her anime society. Aniza is doing her art assignment with her friends. Ashraf is going to a house party tonight. And that just leaves me. Of course, as usual, I don’t have any plans for my saturday night. No invitations, nothing. Thinking back to all the things my mom said to me since I was little about always having someone there for you in a big family, and being able to rely on your brothers and sisters; all I can say is, so this is what it’s like. I suppose it feels nice. Sitting by myself in this room. There have been people who have hurt me and humiliated me. They got away with it. They were rewarded for it. They’re much happier for it. Everyone wants them, not me. And tonight, everyone is going to spend their saturday night with people who care about them. They’re going to have fun with their friends. And they’ll have those fond memories forever. While I wait here.