I don’t know what i’m going to do. Raya is around the corner. That time of year when everyone takes selfies of themselves with perfect hair and makeup. And i’m just there. That time of year when everyone gets together and shares all the wonderful things they’ve accomplished. I don’t know how i’ll endure the humiliation. I did go through so much, it’s been a really tough decade, but I have nothing to show for it. I wish i could have some mercy. I wish someone would throw me a bone.
Honestly, I blame myself for always showing up loyally. I should stop deceiving myself into thinking that my sacrifice in participating int he happy family show will earn it’s reward eventually. If there’s something that you don’t want to do, you have to speak up, don’t just keep quiet, and don’t expect anyone to help you. I have made so much effort to show up whenever my extended family expected me to be there. I have learned now, just because i make myself do something, it doesn’t mean i’m going to be commended for it. I won’t be coming for raya anymore. Unfortunately they will just have to understand. It’s not nice to let them down, but I have to help myself for the moment. In the future, who knows, maybe I will be able to show up more diligently.
I sound so old for complaining about technology. The truth is, people hate other people. They don’t want to say things in person anymore. People can just look at my last seen on whatsapp to know what I was or was not doing. But when i look at other people’s last seen, i still don’t know if it means they really weren’t online, or are just ignoring me.