Post 225

Okay so 2014 happened. It’s the new year. Whether I like it or not. No matter how much it upsets me. Should I thank everyone who tweeted me on new years eve? Shall I give a heartfelt thanks to everyone who commented on my posts and wished me happy new year?

I know all of this seems really contradicting. I don’t know what to do. I never wanted to be around people for the sake of being around people. I didn’t want to be the one who only says hi when it’s new years eve or raya, or when I need something. But the real problem, ever since I could remember, was that I never had anyone on my side to begin with. Sure, beggars can’t be choosers. I never said I was good at begging.

If I was so happy with everything that turned out in my life, if I was so successful, I think people would have known about it. I think I would have made it known. Well. The school counselor had me taken away in the middle of class to have an on-the-spot follow-up. The whole world could see that something was clearly wrong. I was dealing with something, it was obvious. When I was 15 and I stopped piano lessons, I was never really the same. I thought I was carrying on better with more free time, but quitting piano was just an indication that something has been going on with me for a while. My life was slowly unraveling. And after all the bullying, followed by the car accident three years later, I couldn’t face people in the same way again.

Should i have made plans instead of be alone these past weeks? Sure. Did everyone celebrate without me cause they weren’t even aware I existed? Yea, I didn’t tell them. Do I realize that I should appreciate the privacy that I have cause otherwise people would just be sticking their nose in my business to find a subject to talk about and mock? Yea definitely. Then how come I feel like this? The world basically abandoned me. How am I expected to feel about that?