Okay so it’s the last day of July, and i’m really sad as you could probably tell from my recent tweets. Another month gone. I feel like nothing impactful has happened throughout my life, nothing that helped me progress and develop into something or anything more. I can’t have it all, I need something to step to, to steady myself. I know it’s a pretty lame metaphor, but I feel like my life isn’t really going anywhere, because there’re no triggers. Like there’s no catalyst. I know it’s actually supposed to come from me, but how am I supposed to build my whole life from scratch? Like if it’s not chaotic and stressful just because i’m at a downswing trying to get back something i lost or fix something that’s broken like a showerhead, then there’s just stability but nothing great happens either, like my life is just constantly trying to avoid more losses and constantly dreading what’s the next bad thing that’s gonna happen, and because of that I feel like my mind is regressing. I’m becoming stupider. I didn’t even know that was possible. I feel like meeting many different types of people in life instead of inspiring me to achieve more or to expand my horizons, it just made me more scared and closed off from possibilities that i might lose my normal routine.
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