Post 205

Okay, this isn’t something new, and most people should know this about me, but i’m very emotional right now. If by now you still don’t know how to click on read more, then I don’t know why I should say that you care about me at all. I’m not in school anymore and yet i’m constantly being reprimanded for having what people perceive to be extremely really very long hair, and being told that I should be shaving my head every two weeks. I’m a human being and I suggest you treat me like one rather than a failure to meet your standards. I’m here to be myself and find what I love, your life choices and your importance towards popularity are your business. My story isn’t something that people would be pleased to hear or like to talk about, but it doesn’t make it any less real. What I went through isn’t what someone typically expects a boy my age to be doing. But it doesn’t make me wrong, or weird, or defected. It doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with me. Why must I constantly feel bad for not meeting your expectation of what normal is? And worst of all, why should people want me to feel bad about that? I’m turning 23 this year, i’m not due to die anytime soon, and I have a lot of time for me to build a life for myself based on what I want for me. I’m trying to achieve my own personal goals, i’m not trying to win prom king. I’m not to be valued based on how many hours a day I spend in the gym. There are other things to watch on tv besides football. It’s possible for me to like painting, poetry, ballet, and photography. I have nothing about myself to boast or display on facebook but i’m still a person with value, and my feelings are just as important as anyone else. I am not something that you settle for, and I am certainly not something you try to find some use for. If i’m not exactly what you bargained for then don’t try to see what else you can get out of me because I shouldn’t have to apologize for not being able to offer everything that you wanted and i shouldn’t have to try to make up for that.
You love clothes, travel, photos, but who’s going to love your family? Look at yourself and your capabilities, and how much you’re using them for yourself and how much you’re using them to help others especially those close to you. Influence is something powerful and extremely hard to gain. It can be a useful asset to yourself, but not only to yourself. If you have it, acknowledge it, and think about who you can help with it.

I don’t hold grudges, and I don’t do it for fun. Like any human being, I don’t want a bad thing to happen to me twice. So rather than stick around for someone to manipulate and insult me again in the exact same way as previously done, I should obviously leave. I am not here to comfort you about the inconveniences that the publicity you enjoy frequently entails, I am not here to help you get more attention than you already do, and I am certainly not here to watch you condescendingly flaunt your fabulous life in front of my face.

Is full disclosure really worth it? Is anyone going into a relationship really getting their worth? Especially after giving so much of yourself, and being honest about every part of what you are and what you do, in return you can never really get everything you need from just one person. Surely you have to be an individual first before being with another; but is that because your personal conflicts should not be your spouse’s? Was the purpose not to take care of the other even in sickness? Or did all those relationships that ended so soon just ran it’s course of good times? Is it wrong to take care of everything for someone else, or at least help them as much as you can, even though it wasn’t your fault or has nothing to do with you? Do you draw the line in a relationship and say this is your problem?

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