My mom has bestfriends that she barely talks to anymore. It happens to most parents — with the stresses of work and daily life, who can go catch a movie with their school friends anymore? I don’t think I can survive without having my bestfriends by my side everyday. Especially because whenever I don’t talk to someone for a long time, i’ll feel awkward with them. I’ve always thought about the issue of being alone. I feel that a lot of people are friends and even more with others simply because they’re afraid to be alone, and while I always feel lonely, I only want to be around the right people.

This time of year really makes me reflect on the role that I have in either my family or society. And I don’t want any role, because I want to define myself by my personality. If you ask my siblings, you’d know that I can talk all day, but it’s not with everyone. I don’t like that i’m different with different people. I actually always look to someone else to speak first. Until now i’m still looking for that leader to look to cause I can’t take that role. After a lot of experiences I do however know what I expect in a leader, such as giving a voice to those who need it the most, but I still can’t accomplish those things that I expect of them. Either way, I don’t want to be put on a pedestal and at the same time I want to have some control over my own life. I like people who micromanage, but others say that it’s annoying. I don’t expect much from a person with position, but people always think that presence is a basic requirement for being a leader.
I always wondered how people are able to take charge of their life. One thing that was always told to me was that rather than dwell on things that make me unhappy, I should instead venture into things that will make me happy, leaving what probably can’t be solved anyway for later. But now I think that maybe everything should be taken into your hands and dealt with one by one before you can finally have a reprieve or rather, be happy. I don’t know. One idea is that being happy is doing what you love even when you have to deal with things that you hate, while the other idea is that being happy is simply the absence of misery.