When I think about last time I feel like crying, I can’t decide between the many low moments of high school. I was miserable in high school, but a there were a few times in lower secondary I was happy. In form 2, I was able to cope. Somehow. I have no idea what happened. I somehow was just not confident anymore. People just came up to me and asked me why I didn’t keep it up anymore. Why I lost it. There were so many big parts of my life that I felt I lost. Ultimately, I can never feel that young again. I’m always tired everyday now. When I look back at Charmed and Buffy, I really wonder if there was anything real or meaningful in my life then. Maybe it was my ignorance that made me so blissfully unaware. I think that happiness is just a perfect storm of luck. A constellation of coincidences that fall in your favour. Now, everywhere I turn there’s a mishap. There’s more of my unpreparedness that I have to make up for. I’m skating on such thin ice everyday. There’s always something that doesn’t even have to give that big of a nudge to tip the scale, and then my whole week takes a bad turn. I always said I liked peaceful and boring. I thought that maybe when i’m older and my life inevitably gets more complicated, I would learn something and somehow improve from it. But everyday it’s just one overwhelming thing after another and I don’t know how I can survive. Ironically enough, it’s the same old issues since I was young. I guess I just didn’t really have to confront it then.