It's Pauline's birthday! And my 329th post. So much has happened, and after so many unexpected things in my life, I'm so glad that I still have a home for my blog with Pauline. It's been a difficult few years, and out of everyone in my life, Pauline stayed, and continued to be there for me. I'm so thankful to her for her generosity all these years, and hopefully she'll continue to let me stay on here. There are so many blogposts on here that are about the same few things. And I still feel the same about them. Decades later I'm still hung up on trying to get people to prioritise me over their social media, or at least trying to find people in my life who would actually consider doing that in the first place. When you realise that everyone around you was actually scrolling their news feed the whole time, you're forced to question your place in all of it. Silver linings, a light at the end of the tunnel, blessings in disguise. You know, sometimes there aren't any, and life goes on. Even when you wonder if yours really should along with everyone else's. I don't know where to begin. After everything I've been through, I don't know how or why I'm always expected to stay super optimistic. But at the same time, be honest? I've told so many lies because I was desperate to hide from the truth - there really is no answer.