April 2015

Post 256

I finally have room to breathe, space to be myself, peace for me to hear my own thoughts, the time that I need to work towards coming to terms with the person that I am. Then why do I have this constant nagging feeling that something's missing? There's so much that I have to remember, so that i'm careful and won't be caught with my guard down again. At the same time there's all this stuff that I can never forget. I will always be reminded of my mistakes. It isn't trauma, it's just that i wish there was something i did right, and that comfort could help me sleep at night. Maybe i'll never have that privilege. I started watching Barely Famous, and I didn't expect to like it as much as I did. It's hilarious. I think my life right now is just unanswered texts and calls, then watching shows like Grey's Anatomy til I forget about the dread of tomorrow and eventually fall asleep. I wish I could be like all those other people, who just wear things, and totally own it, and be comfortable and confident. I just wear different variations of the same dark-coloured ensemble everyday. I'm stuck in the past. I still think it's 2004 when everyone lugged around really huge bags that they carried everything in.