December 2014

Post 255

It's the last day of 2014. Some parts of the world are already in 2015. I don't really have much to look back fondly on in 2014. But there's a lot of difficulty that lies ahead in 2015 also. I don't know when any of my new year's eve wishes ever came true. At least this year i'm not alone on new year's eve. I forgot what were the things that I was chasing to make me happy. I forgot how to want something. I ended up having lots of new crippling fears, and focusing so much on what I don't want. It could be because if you don't feel anything for a long time, you forget that you could feel at all. That there is something to feel. It may be the reason that nothing feels nice anymore. Sleep doesn't give a comfortable rest, food isn'tĀ appetizing to you anymore. Maybe there's nothing left of me. I don't know what to do. Everything hurts. I have this ugly cry. I sometimes see people grieving and mourning over the loss of a loved one, and I wonder why I cry like that when I haven't lost anyone. There are so many people suffering in this world and it's painful to look at. We're all looking to each other but too overwhelmed to help one another. We're all helpless. I just want to be safe. From heartbreak. From disappointment. From being hurt. I don't know if there's an answer to life. I'm just a slave to circumstance. I really need a miracle. 2015 please be good to me.