Post 91

Posted by azreen | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 29-06-2011

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Okay, cork wedges. They don’t actually go well with a lot of stuff. Platform cork wedges especially. I mean sure, if you’re just going to get coffee with a tank top and jeans then yes they’ll complement your outfit. But with a dress? Or to a lunch meeting? And worse, to an evening event?!? How does that go? I don’t understand. I especially don’t understand putting them together with frocks. Like when you’re wearing a frock with leggings. If you’re wearing high-waisted pants, or a cute midi skirt, cork wedges aren’t exactly the shoes that will bring out how flattering your outfit is.

I think it’s very clear that when you’re wearing a tunic, only then would you put it together with cork wedges. Is it even suitable for work? I really doubt it. Do your colleagues not look over in dread thinking you’re trailing into the office all that sand from the beach you were just at?

I realise that i’m not an authority on the subject, and I shouldn’t sound so condescending. Especially since I didn’t use a picture to illustrate what I mean or show examples. But I would like to know how and why it works, because so far I haven’t seen it work all that great!

 

 

Post 90

Posted by azreen | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 25-06-2011

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Okay, so for those who don’t already know, as much as I think Joe was successfully trying to make a good change in the company, i’m definitely team Erin. I know, talking about MTV’s The City two years after it ended is really old, but people are still following Joe Zee and Seth Plattner because of that show. Maybe as soon as I get to watch VH1’s Audrina, then I wouldn’t be going on and on about The City so much.

 

Erin is a super successful publicist who shouldn’t have to explain herself to a newbie, and Joe Zee as a creative director has very little time left to do his job , which is to come up with images for the magazine as a result of having to keep all of these girls from various different departments together. He’s spending hours dealing with Erin and Olivia. I totally agree with Erin in that everyone should realize that no one really needs her, and the fact that things were going so well in Japan shows that maybe Olivia should just stay there. Maybe Erin should have shared more information about the price points for the dresses and stuff with Olivia, but if she doesn’t even want to listen then what’s the point? She smiles a lot, and and takes credit from Joe, but when Erin asked her if she’s going to the trade shows, she could have at least asked back if Erin is going or if she should go too. Even Robbie herself said that there are work horses and show ponies, clearly this is what she was talking about.

 

Erin has her own work to do, but she ends up having to look out if Olivia is doing anything wrong, and then has to always worry about whether the magazine is going to suffer. And inevitably it still took a hit or two. All Joe had to do was give Olivia less responsibility since she couldn’t even pull outfits without fighting. Instead he went and did the total opposite by making Olivia the face of Elle.com. How does Olivia single-handedly smash through the business using only her behaviour and the cameras? Sure, she can pick out a good accessory and she has a lot of contacts, but if she’s not taking it seriously, then why bother? Look at her now — she’s modelling! Joe had said many times that maybe her future isn’t at Elle.

 

Am I overreacting to something that may have only been acted out? Am I being serious about something that probably isn’t even real? If I was in a position for a long time, I don’t want someone new coming in being all condescending to me, getting a high position out of token for her social contacts. If I had to work with someone like Olivia I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from letting her have it. Bad move I know, but at least when I get fired for arguing with someone I would have had the satisfaction of saying my piece.

Post 89

Posted by azreen | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 23-06-2011

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Post 88

Posted by azreen | Posted in Photos | Posted on 19-06-2011

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I often find myself looking to confide in someone but in all the wrong places. I’ve always known I can be naive and too trusting. But what else can I do? There are all these expectations for me to be this normal healthy person but i’ve had so many doors shut in my face, I need to hear something different, find a more whole perspective of life, and just see if everyone does think the same of me. Sometimes I wonder why i’m willing to talk to people at all, since clearly i’m not worth the time of day. Can I ever find what I need emotionally? Do I deserve to? I don’t mean to keep putting people off by being so self-deprecating. They say i’ve no self-esteem, it’s just my fashion. Maybe i’m just permanently broken. Beyond repair. Or maybe i want to be.

Post 87

Posted by azreen | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 18-06-2011

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If I have to hear another girl brag about her plans for the evening I will kill myself!

I wish people don’t go to prom. If they can see how tacky trashy and superficial it is, why don’t they say it out loud? Am I stupid for doing that?

I don’t understand. People who have influence don’t use it. For anything good. Being me, having no one listen to me. It’s so hard. If something bad happens to someone, why can’t everyone rush to their side? Why do people just watch someone go through something hard. It’s totally unnecessary for them to have to suffer something. Especially alone.

If your friend gets scolded by your superior, why don’t you go to them and offer to help? Why don’t you try to resolve it? Just go and say here let me help you fix that. Why do you just let someone get scolded? If my friend gets scolded at work I will make sure I get scolded also. I don’t like how people just allow others to be humiliated. I feel selfishness is what let the world become what it is now.

God I hate Gordon Ramsey!

Post 86

Posted by azreen | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 17-06-2011

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I heard Jordin Sparks’ I Am Woman and it sounds a lot like Kelly Clarkson’s Miss Independent! I don’t like that I like a song by Jordin Sparks. Why is she getting so much press for the weight she lost anyway? My body looks way hotter.

I took this from Japhy Grant at trueslant.com.

Rather than try to resolve the disparate, complex and conflicting forces in modern society, why not highlight them? Celebrate them?

It’s a viewpoint unique to Los Angeles, a city that’s maddeningly dysfunctional to outsiders, but from the inside is nothing short of a kaleidoscopic fever dream of possibility.

I feel like this is what’s happening to me, especially where I live, because seeing so many people have waxed legs and threaded eyebrows, I feel such a pressure to do the same. I feel as if I have to artificially modify as many things about myself as I can, and be fake and be proud of it.

My approved list

  • Kelly Clarkson
  • Michelle Branch
  • Ashlee Simpson
  • Ashley Tisdale
  • Avril
  • Marion Raven
  • Selena

I really wonder if life really is as complicated as I think it is, or i just overcomplicate things.

 

Post 85

Posted by azreen | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 16-06-2011

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I really despise Lmfao! Omg please stop getting into my ears!

I ate mcd for breakfast again, I don’t know why I keep falling back into the same self-destructive patterns. Sometimes I think that’s what life is.

In other news, everything in my life feels like a disappointment. No wait that’s not news.

Post 84

Posted by azreen | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 14-06-2011

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I really hate Matthew Morrison. And his songs. I also particularly despise JLo, thank god idol is over. Well, until next year anyway. I don’t know why people are willing to put up with this insanity every year. God, Lenka used to be so much more tolerable. There’s a huge void in pop, and no matter how many pretty young things are excessively marketed into the middle of it, there’s something big missing, and everyone knows it.

Ohmygod, there’s this creep who goes through the garbage in mcd while everyone’s eating. So sad.

I really love Sara Barreilis’ Uncharted! Not just because it’s the theme song to Audrina! I really wanna watch Audrina, she’s always so carefree and relaxed about stuff, it’s interesting how you can be so with-the-flow but still have completely individual decisions. I never wanted to be the kind of person who takes everything so seriously, but everything that’s going on in the world really worries me.

Sometimes I see the resemblance between the LA lives of reality stars and living in USJ. Heidi didn’t realize how deep in she was, she didn’t realize what she was getting into with all the plastic surgery. Even here, girls dye their hair, wear colour contacts, and that’s aside from handbags. You don’t feel the need or impulse until you see it so rampant around you. In fact, with events like summer splash which I’m not sue they have anymore, but anyway, being bikini ready is just as important here. That sun shines through your bedroom window everyday whether you like it or not. I mean sure, here it rains, and a lot more often too, but other than that everything else is almost the same. In taipan got so many aesthetic place. Everyone goes facial shopping, and even go to slimming centre.

I guess one difference is that we fake it up to look impeccable for the tourists, maybe. I know i’m acting like I know a lot about LA, it’s just an idea I’ve struggled with for a long time. I feel like similarly here, many downfalls of humanity are celebrated rather than drowned out. So much excess, of everything. Or maybe that’s happening everywhere.

Post 83

Posted by azreen | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 12-06-2011

13

That exhilaration of having a great conversation with someone is so fleeting. Whenever there’s someone who seems like they genuinely care about me, something more important is always beckoning. And then they have to rush off. People always leave.
I’m sure it’s not hard at all to find something that’s a million times more important to do than to talk to me. It’s this pattern throughout my life. Someone behaves like I’m worth their time and I’m so overjoyed and it’s so exciting talking to each other and discovering things about each other and realizing we actually have a few things in common. It’s so nice to feel wanted. But before I know it, their destiny of having bigger and better things and endeavors in their lives catch up to me. I mean sure, a call every now and again is nice, but ultimately they have no time for me anymore. I’m not important. Why should I hold them back?
Whenever I have a friend in my life who actually looks forward to seeing me or shows enthusiasm about talking to me, I always feel a sense of dejavu. The way they’re behaving seems so sincere, so honest, so familiar. I feel like once in my life there was someone strong who always protected me, and it was never out of obligation. I feel like there was someone who was actually willing to be around me, not just because they were bored or had no one else talk to that day. I always wonder if it was ever even real. Did I forget? Who was it? Maybe it’s just a longing for someone to sacrifice their time or reputation to talk to me. Does anyone ever do that? Will anyone do that for another? Only people of the same rank and stature will flock together. Has anyone really sacrificed something that important just for friendship? Even in the prince and the pauper, all the means for it was there and it conveniently benefitted everyone in the end.

Post 82

Posted by azreen | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 10-06-2011

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I was the only guy who never pierced my ears. It was a huge faux pas. It’s so hard for me to decide. What would I do if I was alone in the world? I never actually planned to be, it’s just I’ve always felt that it’s better that way. I never wanted my life to turn out the way it did, it just happened. Everyone in school always said that I was so homely and lame. Everyone was always embarassed to be seen with me, let alone talk to me. Eventually everyone got bored. His parents don’t let him go out, he has no life. Staying home with my younger siblings for the sake of staying home with my younger siblings, I just drifted from one ideology to another, hoping to find one that would give me a sense of purpose and self- fulfillment. I didn’t want to be used and always feel used. Until today I wonder if I’m living ny life for myself. It’s just one interval of treachery after another, I have to hope against hope that everything goes well for everyone else otherwise they’ll have my head. I’ve said many times that I never wanted to live for people’s approval but walking on such thin ice, approval is the only safety that can help me reach everything else. Even if I was like everyone else, I wouldn’t truly be happy so what’s the point? Everyday I carry so much humiliation of how pathetic I am, and when it’s showtime, I can never convincingly act like everything’s fine. Even though I want to be myself, everyday I live with fear that someone might know how pathetic I really am, and I’ll lose another chance at friendship. Everything I think is apparently thinking too much. I thought there was something that could free me. Or someone. I don’t know who am I kidding. If I lived my whole life with this humiliation then I can just go on

Post 81

Posted by azreen | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 08-06-2011

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Okay, so there’s this girl who came back from aussie, and she was telling her friend (who’s living here) that she wants to buy sunnies and she can’t seem to find the relevant ones here. She was saying that people in aussie wear a lot of prada and d&g, but here she only finds dior and armani. She was saying that prada is so popular there, that people will even buy prada reading glasses. God. I mean, i would totally feel out of place in aussie if i didn’t have everyone else’s sunnies, but that’s the whole point of being in aussie. And there, being out of place isn’t as bad as when you’re out of place here. Gosh leave it to her to completely eat up something just because it’s a trend in aussie. She said that dior and others are certainly well known labels, just not known for their sunglasses. That part makes sense. But she should’ve just bought them there. What does she expect? No one forced her to come back to do her shopping.

If it was me, I’d just get a pair of raybans. Which are widely available here, and are still relevant overseas. Everyone has raybans, so that would be her answer. I would so love marc jacobs. I don’t have the money. Oh well, I don’t even own a pair of functional sunglasses.

I’m still having trouble sleeping cause my neck still hurts a lot. I did seek expert advice, and it was to drink more water and take panadol if severe. I want to go shopping for a mattress like omg it feels so uncomfortable and when it doesn’t sting and grip with pain, there’s a residual ache afterwards.

I looked at a scene of Cardcaptor Sakura, and  I really didn’t like it anymore. I never thought i’d feel so differently about it. I never realised how young they were. I was actually expecting to cry and even end up bawling from the emotional weight of her plight but I didn’t feel it anymore. As you could probably tell, i’m really disappointed.

Anyway, back to the girl who wanted sunnies. I suddenly feel the compulsion to have the same colour hair is her, and buy the same colour contacts as she wears. Just overhearing her conversation has planted strange ideas in my subconscious and is making me slowly morph into her! Why? God, I just need to feel the ambience of a mall again. Please let my fate be to afford a day of shopping at my top 5 favourite malls.

 

Post 80

Posted by azreen | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 07-06-2011

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80th post! Omg, I can’t believe I made it this far. Well, I’m really glad. So happy to have my blog! I’ve renumbered my posts so that all my posts are neat and organized now, no repeated numbers.

In a previous post I mentioned how I don’t want to be so addicted to tv and let it encompass so many aspects of my life. At that point I only got to mention Charmed, now I also want to mention Buffy.

I started watching Buffy in 2003, and I loved it because I felt that everything that they did made sense. I expected Spike to not embrace having a soul at first, and eventually sacrificing so much for Buffy even though she loved Angel. I feel like in this world it’s hard for me to find people that I really look up to, and at the time, when I was watching, I felt almost as if I had someone to think highly of and almost even aspire to. Someone I strongly felt was not only worth my attention, but I would continue to feel awed by, instead of how people at school intimidated me and made me less motivated to be as good as they were. I feel like in school I was faced with things and people whom I could never really be like, even though they themselves were real. Everyone in school had incredible athletic and intellectual ability, and looked flawless all the time. And that intimidated me and made me feel like not wanting to step out of my room or even wake up so that I wouldn’t have to be painfully reminded of how much less I am. But somehow watching Anya and Willow and Amber I felt like they were more relate-able because what they they held most important was their individual personality and their beliefs, instead of how impressive they are, how much attention they get, or how well they fit in.

Everyone keeps telling me, stop being so bitter. It really isn’t on purpose. I don’t want to do it or think this way, it just keeps happening. After all, talking to everyone pretending like everything’s fine, that i’m just as pleased with everything as everyone else is, but if I already know i’m so much less than everyone else, what’s the use?

In other news, everyday my neck hurts right before I go to bed and right after I wake up. And a little throughout the day too. It’s really painful I hate it. I tried to drink more water and eat better, but still. I don’t mean to be weak. I just am. I’m so tired right now. I don’t know how everyone else can have so much vitality.

Post 79

Posted by azreen | Posted in Birthday Presents | Posted on 06-06-2011

1

I love Vanessa Carlton’s Carousel and Jenette McCurdy’s Generation Love! Omg so much for trying to be a person who doesn’t listen to music. They both look so cute and adorable I love their outfits!

I so can’t wait to watch PostGrad on Star Movies at 4.35 pm. I love Alexis Bledel! What is it with me and celebrity obsessions?

 

Also, I forgot to post my handiwork with Wirdani’s present that I did a while back.

Post 78

Posted by azreen | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 05-06-2011

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I wanted to post pictures of the stuff from yesterday’s post but it was so hectic I couldn’t get any good pictures. Anyway, maybe there’ll be more stuff to take pics of.

So SinKong was undergoing some major renovations. And everyone at NanKing watched while eating. Today, it looks pretty much the same, except for the paint job.

I was naturally thinking of colour contacts since it’s so rampant and lucrative in this part of the valley. I don’t want them because I have no idea how to wear contacts or anything on my eyes for that matter. But everyone’s doing it, I look so weird with natural eye colour. Oh well, I never could be like everyone else anyways. So pressuring!

Post 77

Posted by azreen | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 04-06-2011

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Today I met Angelita, Zhiao Chien, and Zi Kee. They’re always so pretty *bitter*

Yesterday Auntie Roza came to visit me at home! She brought Melissa, Kyra, and Adam. He was disappointed that there was no truck for him to play. Keesha’s in JB. Auntie Roza was dropping off everyone’s presents yesterday. Alina’s, my mom’s, my dad’s, aniza’s and mine. Melissa and Kyra always look so pretty. *bitter* Read the rest of this entry »

Post 76

Posted by azreen | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 03-06-2011

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Okay, I’ve been making mistakes with organizing my blog entries and there are some identical IDs in the list. I keep giving myself problems that I can’t fix. Anyway, i’m just happy to be blogging, especially when there have been lots of things i’ve been thinking about but I didn’t know how to put it on paper! It’s really not fun when you feel something and when you want to type it you just can’t seem to find the words. Actually, when I feel it. Cause it doesn’t happen to anyone else. I don’t mean for my life to be this complicated, it just is. And that’s a whole different issue altogether.

 

So another thing I was thinking about was how my life when I was younger involved a lot of tv. I’m definitely not proud of that, which is what brings me to talk about it here. I didn’t realise how much of my life it would take up at the time, and now looking back on it, I really wish I didn’t watch so much tv. I was 12 when I started watching Charmed cause a few of my classmates were talking about it. The sad thing is, I actually still like it. It’s just that I don’t like that I like it. I mean, some of the episodes didn’t feel like it was sticking to the storyline, and there were a lot of rules that seemed to have been bent. But my point is, I wish I don’t miss a show. That’s not something I want to miss. I want to look back on my life and miss something that’s more fun than that. The show felt a lot of times really heartwarming and touching, and I was so sad that it ended. I was like ‘it’s the end of an era’. I actually followed a show for over 4 years. Today, no one does that. There’s always a hot new show that just premiered in the US.

 

Which brings me to talk about them and their culture. With all the hip-hop and rap and the swearing. I know that I swear, but i’ve been trying to reduce it, and when they swear it’s really different. What I really hate right now is that Beyonce is not only being mentioned on my blog, and voluntarily by me, but so is her song, and especially how it’s dominating charts and radiowaves! I hate her but ‘Run the World (Girls)’ was kind of catchy. But I will never like something so stupid. Why must she do this! I don’t want to know about her or her life!

 

Anyway, back to the topic of hot new shows. At one time I really liked watching Miranda. It’s really funny. I can’t watch it anymore I don’t know if it’s still running. My point is, I would much rather watch Miranda than like One Tree Hill. I really don’t like that I liked watching 90210. That’s so superficial! And the worst thing is, that even though new shows keep premiering, they’re of the same genre to fill the same role in the industry and hence society, and most of the time they displace a similar show’s time slot anyway! A lot of my sentences don’t really read very eloquently but I don’t know how else to put it. This is how my life is right now I can’t believe it’s come to this. And, in the first place I never did do well in grammar.

 

I wish I could be someone who just doesn’t watch tv or listen to the radio at all.