Everyone else my age and younger only use Vaio and Toshiba. Obviously, if I proudly carry my Dell around I look stupid lah, for thinking it’s so amazing and awesome. I’m jealous! This is what happens when you have a laptop or washing machine or fridge or anything. You start wanting a better one. I hate this, make it stop!
Ever since I was young everyone always told me to just be a follower. They said that I should accept that people will always like that girl better, and that rather than have no friends, I should just like her too. Forget that I think she’s plastic and superficial, hedonistic and likes attention. Just try to like her because otherwise i’m not socially acceptable. She’s the queen bee whether I like it or not, so rather than retaliate, I should join the worship.
I don’t want a queen bee. I just want to be myself, I just want to hang out with people who’re sincere. Unfortunately that leaves me with no one, cause everyone feels it’s more fun under her reign. Of terror. And then everyone thinks that i’m discriminating, or that i’m jealous. When all I wanted to do was look for real friends. Tell me that I don’t deserve any, I’ve heard that millions of times. If any one of you ever decide to care about me, sincerely, then you know where to find me — alone.
I made a really bad decision today. I feel so stupid, and I wish I could have made better judgement. I drove home during peak hour. While it was raining. Oh well, I learnt my lesson, and I always have the freedom to come home whenever I want, I think, so I don’t think I’ll let it happen again. I’m not sure which one is safer though, driving home through lots of traffic to accompany me, and move slowly to, or drive home without traffic at night.
Also, importantly, I finally changed my shampoo! I’m so happy! It’s so exhilarating, and i’m so thankful to my mom, cause she paid for the shampoo. Now my hair is as it should be. Until the next time my hair gets used to the shampoo again. It usually doesn’t happen earlier than 5 months or so. I guess i’ve been running around a lot lately, exposing my scalp to lots of pollutants and environmental dirt. And various kinds of air-borne dander. Eww. You’d think that standing under the shade of a tree you’d be relatively care-free.
New shampoo, I know, is not an answer to everything, it doesn’t solve everything, and doesn’t wash away all problems. But it does motivate me and keep me perky to go about with my daily activities.
After a week of waking up at 8am everyday, today I woke up at 6am. Not early enough! This is part of the reason I so badly wanted something to perk me up. Last week was a terrible week of suffering from caffeine withdrawal. Last two weeks in fact. Bad migraines. Just form soft drinks! Those close to me would know how much Coke I drink. I know, it’s bad for me. See me smile and my stained teeth show plain evidence of my excessive soft drink consumption, but I haven’t had anymore Coke. For a few days now.
I really think that the power steering in the car is not working anymore. Especially after how my mom commented that it felt heavier. It gave me muscle ache the whole of last week. Like my right arm felt super tired. But later my mom took back what she said, rationalizing that power steering only works when the car is moving, so obviously when she wanted to reverse out of the parking spot it would feel a bit heavy. And she also scolded me for saying that driving would make my arm tired, since she said that I don’t have to make many turns anyway. After all, someone unemployed like me wouldn’t have so many important places to be. I know, I know, i’m severely unfit. Oh god, what a start to a week.
I’m recovering from whatever it was I was suffering from, but I still don’t feel a 100 percent. I’m still feeling really tired, though my muscle ache is much less severe now, I just need to make sure I eat right to be able to perk up.
Last night, my uncle came over on the way home from work, they wanted to take my grandma back to the house in Meru to spend the night. My mom offered that they bring our car, which has more space, since they would have to pick up my grandaunt from Taman Tun as well the following day. Today, my mom has to send another car for servicing, so on the way to work she wants to drop off her Vios at the Toyota center, and i’ll send her to work and pick her up later. I don’t know why my mom can’t just take my car (there I go again calling it my car, when actually it’s my dad’s and I just drive it that’s all) to work. I can just go home from the service center by bus or cab. It’s actually possible for me to walk home from the service center, since it’s in Subang Jaya. Or, she could just drive my dad’s BMW, but my dad just has to be so whiny annoying immature and stingy. Like anything is going to happen to his car if my mom brings it to work. Work. Not like she’s out partying the whole night. Gawd.
My mom said that since I was in an accident, I’m in a better position to tell people to drive carefully since I have a real experience to justify my advice. I try to drive really slow now, I don’t mean to blame the impatient people behind me, but it’s a progress that I have to reach in time. But highways are highways, my mom will just get about 140 and then say that she’s skilled enough to handle it. So, getting people to stop speeding and drive slower, maybe it’s not really possible. I just have to work on myself and shut up.
This is my 50th post using my new platform. I’m not feeling well today. It’s been going on for several days, I took panadol but I still don’t feel well. It’s very non-specific. I mean, i’ve had to put up with body ache before, but I feel like i’m having chills. I don’t have a temperature. But I feel kind of terrible. I hope it passes.
As lonely and desperate as I seem, I would much rather be alone than have fake friends and frenemies. I particularly hate people who like to pretend to care about me. I feel like my whole life, people only ever make jokes at my expense, and use me to make themselves look good. Charitable. Helpful.
I really don’t understand why everyone always has to make me a part of their agenda. Why can’t you just step on people’s heads without involving me? Why can’t you just climb your elitist egotistical social ladder without always having to put me in the middle of all that superficial mess? Read the rest of this entry »